When the phrase "nice guys finish last" comes up, the usual response is followed with a nod of agreement. But what about all the nice girls out there who finish last as well?
That single saying for as long as I can remember always pertained to men and only men. Still, to mix things up, think about what happens to nice girls and how they are perceived in a relationship setting.
Starting off by stating the obvious rules of what a nice guy is will carry over into what a nice girl is. When a nice guy befriends a girl, he automatically establishes himself as a friend who will listen to her every care, worry or whatever else in the world she wants to talk about but right off the bat that might set him up for a disaster.
What do a lot of girls do when they have a bad day? They go and talk to their girl friends and explain almost every detail of what went wrong, all the way down to the color of the shoes someone is wearing. When a girl can find a boy's perspective on situations, she will use it to her advantage, especially if she sees him as only a friend. Then what happens to the guy? He's stuck in this limbo where he's nice enough to value his friendship, but at the same time he can't move any farther in relationship terms with his new friend who is a girl.
Nevertheless, girls get played like this as well. When trying to get a guy, she tries to dress all-cute and talks to him, but not in a way that she does to any other friend. On the male side of things, they see this sweet and innocent girl who is fun to talk to. But what happens when she's placed against a party girl or a girl who dresses just as cute, but then throws in a dash of hot? Then what's going to happen to that nice girl?
Of course, she is going to get pushed to the back burner and as a nice and understanding girl will be there for her guy friend to listen to all of his worries, cares and thoughts. Which of course aren't as in-depth but are still there. The girl who didn't want to sound pushy or desperate is now dropped like she's not hot and left in the friend territory and, even worse, looked upon as a sister figure.
When girls are aggressive toward boys that means they are desperate and needy, but then on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to a guy, he's smooth and confident. Though if pulled off correctly, a girl can come across as confident instead of desperate with the right wording and presentation. But how does a cute and trusting girl find a guy who appreciates all the attributes a girl like that can give? How does she stop being interested in a guy before he starts to lead her on?
When a nice girl is put into the friend zone it's kind of like the limbo nice guys fall into. As far as nice girls go, they are usually very trusting and believe this guy who is talking with them is going to end up being a good guy. Little does she know he is talking to her as just a friend and also as a cool girl to hang out with. Fortunately, there are some steps in avoiding this rut and it all comes down to attitude and wording.
If a woman is chatting up a guy who she could end up having feelings for, the conversation shouldn't turn into a ranting fest about your day. Sorry to spoil everyone's dreams, but most guys don't want to hear every detail of your day. Unless they are a nice guy and have the patience to sit there and listen to everything. The topic of conversation should be light and easygoing. The last thing she or he wants to hear is some speech on how President George W. Bush's tax breaks for the wealthy are wrong.
Keeping the conversation simple, light and not in too much depth will hopefully have them coming back for more. No life stories, if they are genuinely interested, it will come with time. So just remember boys, you aren't the only ones who get the "nice person" rap. Look around you, your closest friends who are girls could fall into this "nice girl" category. Maybe next time you see them you'll appreciate them more.
